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Luis' Prayer
(I wrote this very short story during the spoiler blackout of December 2000. If you watched Passions back then, you might remember how frustrating it was with the whole Buried alive plot. Anyway, This was one of several very short stories I wrote during this time to keep my sanity!)
Luis Lopez Fitzgerald walked into St. Margaret Mary's Catholic church at 11:45 p.m. He didn't want to go to midnight mass this year, but his mother Pilar had insisted. “Luis, it's Christmas Eve” Pilar had reminded him. You must go to mass. You can pray for Sheridan there. What would Sheridan tell you if she were here? Would she not want you to attend mass on this of all nights?”
“I suppose you are right Mama,” Luis reluctantly had agreed.
“If you like, you can come back to the hospital when mass is over and stay with her then. Remember, it's Christmas hijo. A time for joy and celebrating life.”
“How can I celebrate life Mama, when Sheridan is barely hanging on to hers? She is my life Mama! I never fully understood what she meant to me until this happened. I don't know if I can go on without her if she doesn't make it through this.”
“Luis, Christmas is also a time for miracles,” Pilar told him. “Even when things look like they can not possibly reverse themselves, there is still hope. Was it not a miracle that Sheridan began breathing after being in the ground for so long?”
“Yes Mama,” Luis smiled weakly. “But the neurologist said that...”
“Is it not a miracle that after being taken off the respirator and having no heartbeat, her heart began to beat again and she started breathing on her own?”
“Well yes Mama,” Luis said again, but the neurologist said that even with all of that, Sheridan's brain has gone too long without oxygen. The adult brain can only survive 4 minutes without oxygen before brain damage occurs.”
“Son, I understand what you are telling me. But you need to understand what I am telling you. A miracle is something that medical science can not explain. You told me yourself the doctors can't believe she came back at all, is that not true?”
“That's what they said” Luis agreed.
“Luis, all I ask of you is to come to midnight mass with me. You can pray for Sheridan there. Just remember that what you are hoping for is not always the answer to your prayers. Sometimes God says no as well.”
“Mama, I just want to be close to Sheridan,” Luis pleaded. The thought of God answering his prayers in a negative fashion did not sit well with Luis.
Pilar took her hand and placed it on her son's chest. “Take her with you hijo. Hold her in your heart.”
“I'll come with you Mama” Luis reluctantly agreed. “But as soon as Mass is over, I am coming right back to the hospital to be with Sheridan. I'll not leave her after that until she wakes up.”
“Let me go tell Sheridan where I am going” Luis told Pilar. Luis turned and left his mother standing there while he went to tell Sheridan of his plans to go to midnight mass.
Pilar shook her head sadly. “I'll be praying for Sheridan as well Luis” she said. “I'll be praying for both of you.”
*******
Luis sat in silent prayer with his mother as the congregation assembled for midnight mass. Sitting still in the church, so far away from Sheridan was no easy task for Luis. Luis tried to concentrate on the celebration, but he was too consumed with his own thoughts to pay attention. He would manage to concentrate for a few minutes, but his thoughts kept drifting back to that beautiful young woman that lay in the hospital bed motionless. Luis felt warm liquid on his hands which were clasped in front of him and realized tears were falling from his face.
The mass continued as the other residents of Harmony celebrated the birth of Christ. Luis barely realized the mass was over until he felt his mother's touch on his shoulder, beckoning him to follow her. Luis slowly escaped to the back of the church. He stopped and lit a candle for Sheridan and said another prayer. As he was leaving the church, he saw a statue of Jesus and was compelled to stop. Kneeling, Luis said one final prayer in church.
“Dear Lord, please bring Sheridan back to me? I promise you I won't ask you for another thing. She didn't deserve this. Sheridan has suffered so much in her life, God. Why must she suffer now, like this? I know I didn't give her a fair shake when I first met her, but I managed to overcome my prejudices against her because of her family. I know now what a truly beautiful person she is inside and out. I've never met anyone like her Lord.
“She only got into this mess because she wanted us to have a future together. She knew I was taking a chance on losing my badge if we continued our relationship while I was her bodyguard. None of that mattered to me though Lord. I would have done anything for her. I would have given up my life if it meant keeping her safe. I love her God. Sheridan finally allowed me to feel what real love was all about. I only wish I'd had the chance to tell her how I felt.”
“So God, again I'm asking you, please let Sheridan be O.K.? She deserves a chance at happiness. She and I finally found happiness in our lives after so much heartache and we found it together. Thank you for listening.” Luis blessed himself and glanced one last time at the statue. His mother's eyes were misty.
“You do love her.” She stated.
“”Yes Mama” Luis answered. “I only wish I'd told Sheridan that.”
“Go tell her Luis. You know, they claim that hearing in the last sense to go.”
Luis smiled at his mother. “Thanks Mama. I will.”
*************
Luis returned to Sheridan's hospital bed to find her looking exactly as he left her. She was still hooked up to the heart monitor. Luis could get lost in the rhythmic blips that crossed the screen. “At least her heart is strong” he muttered to himself. Luis then glanced over to the EEG machine that was measuring her brain activity. Right now, the machine was very quiet. Luis heart sunk. He's hoped when he got back from church, there would be some kind of activity. Some sign that Sheridan was still there.
Slowly Luis slid into the chair next to Sheridan's bed. He picked up her hand and felt a tear fall down his face when he read the green wristband she was wearing. “Sheridan Crane...F27...DNR”
“DNR,” Luis thought to himself. “Do not resuscitate. What a horrible thought. No I can't do this to myself anymore. I have to think positively. What was that that Mama said to me? Hearing is the last thing to go? Maybe Sheridan can hear me? Maybe she`s been hearing me all along and that`s why she keeps coming back? Luis, knock it off, you`re kidding yourself.”
Luis was waging a battle in his head. This was all new to him. though his father and brother had both disappeared when he was young, they flat out disappeared. He'd never had to deal with a serious illness, death or near death of a loved one before... A loved one. That is exactly what Sheridan was to him.
“Well Sheridan,” Luis began talking to her as he stroked her hands with his thumbs. “I'm back from midnight mass. It was beautiful as usual. I remember when I saw you at mass last Christmas. I know I didn't say anything, but inside I was elated you'd come. And did I ever tell you how much I wanted to find that blasted mistletoe earlier that evening?” Luis chuckled at the memory of the two of them discussing if mistletoe grew wild in Harmony. “That was pretty subtle Sheridan!” he laughed. “I had a place I was going to take you to this year. I found some wild mistletoe later on and how I wished you'd been with me.” The smile on Luis' face faded slightly.
“Seriously though Sheridan” Luis said. “There is something I want to tell you. Something I should have told you long ago. You mean the world to me. I wish I could change some of the things that have happened in the past, but I can't. I know I was pigheaded and gave you a hard time, but looking back on it I think part of the reason I did that was because I was afraid of you. I was afraid of the way I felt about you.”
“From the day we met, I knew you affected me like no other woman I ever met. I barely went through an hour of my day without thinking about you. Early on I decided it was because you annoyed me so much, but I later came to realize that wasn't it at all. Sheridan, I was drawn to you. I can't explain it. the harder I fought it, the more I anted to be near you. I got to a point where I enjoyed our fights because it meant I had a chance to spend time with you. After you went to Paris it was even worse. I began sensing when you were in danger and even though my head knew you didn't want anything to do with me, I couldn't get you out of my heart.”
“The last few months I spent with you were the happiest of my life Sheridan. Just being near you, being able to help you through some rough times gave me a sense of peace and satisfaction I'd never known. Still though, I was afraid to tell you how I really felt. I think I was afraid you would reject me and it would have killed me. But I think the time has come for me to come completely clean with you. Sheridan, I love you. I have never felt this way before in my life. As wonderful as that is it still scares me. It scares me because I'm afraid I might lose you and I don't know if I can handle that Sheridan.”
Unable to continue, Luis laid his head on Sheridan's chest. He fought back the tears and comforted himself in feeling the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed on her own. “Positive Luis. Accentuate the positive....“ he told himself.
Not having realized how tired he really was, Luis fell asleep on Sheridan's chest. It wasn't difficult for him to be lulled to sleep by her rhythmic breathing as he hadn't slept in days.
Luis sighed in contentment when he woke with the feel of her warm body near his. He knew what he had done, but it didn't matter to him at the moment. He was still very sleepy and his dreams had been wonderful. Luis tried to get back to the last dream he's had of her as he imagined her delicate hands softly stroking his face. This was the most wonderful dream he's ever have. Luis could actually feel heat radiating in his body from her touch. Smiling he kept his eyes closed trying to return to his dream.
Luis felt her hands slowly begin to caress the back of his neck and as much pleasure as it was eliciting from him, he felt more awake than he had a few minutes ago. Unwilling to move, Luis just laid there motionless for a moment. He slowly opened his eyes. Now he knew he wasn't dreaming, but he could still feel the shivers go through his body from Sheridan's gentle touch. He slowly pulled himself to a sitting position and stared dumbstruck at Sheridan. Staring back at him were the most beautiful pair of crystal blue eyes he'd ever seen accompanied by the most wondrous smile.
“Sheridan?” Luis barely managed to choke out.
“I'm here Luis” she smiled quietly.
“You're awake? Sheridan you're AWAKE!” Luis said softly the first time, followed by a much louder cry. The joy on his face was unmatched by anything she'd ever seen in her life. She knew without a doubt she'd made the right decision.
“Luis” Sheridan said weakly as she reached out and held his face in her hands. “I love you too.” The two just gazed at each other with the most adoring smiles they had. Both knew at least for now, all was right with the world.
The End